I swear y’all be asking for relationship advice like:
Hi, my man has no job, lives with me rent free, doesn’t cook, doesn’t eat pussy, his balls stink, he drank all the Minute Maid Fruit Punch and put the carton back in the fridge, he cheated on me twice with my mama and he don’t like Beyoncé anyway the other day we got in a fight the other day and he called me a bitch, what should I do?
I REALLY HATE when I’m talking about my desire for romantic love and someone says, “well love yourself.” Like shut the fuck up. Self love and romantic love do not replace each other. They do not fill the same void. And just because I wish there was someone in my life that made me feel special, doesn’t mean I don’t think I’M special. Fuck your projections. Regardless of HOW MUCH you love yourself, it doesn’t replace the energy, strength, commitment, and love that can come from another. As a general note, my feelings aren’t up for debate. I just wanted to vent.
This is actually kind of a toxic way of thinking about it. The while concept that having some other person’s love/commitment/passion/affection can fill a void in YOU is fiction. It just happens to be a very profitable fiction. Which is why it has worked it’s way into people’s favorite books, movies, tv shows, and even video games, promulgating a whole culture of glorifying codependent and abusive relationships.
Sure. Self love and romantic love DO NOT replace each other. But self love is the key to being fulfilled both within and out of romantic love. So if you don’t have your self love handled, you will fail at romantic love one hundred percent of the time.
At the end of the day, your desire for romantic love is no different than the alcoholic’s desire for another drink. If you don’t take control of your own life, step back and take control of your own desires, and find fulfillment in yourself, well, “Love’s gonna sneak right up and snuff you from behind”.
Because contrary to popular concepts, romantic love IS material love.